Peanut Butter Pie Perfection

I don't like coming empty-handed to someone's house when they're letting me sleep and eat there for free. Labor Day weekend, when I stayed at James' parents' house in Memphis, I decided to bring a dessert with me. After all, almost everyone has a sweet tooth. I decided to try my hand at a peanut butter pie because James loves peanut butter (as do all normal people in my opinion). It has honestly been years since I baked a pie (besides a buttermilk pie), and I had never even tried peanut butter pie before, let alone made one. Needless to say I was a bit nervous. Armed with Paula Deen's recipe and a Britney/Lady Gaga playlist, I worked very hard on this pie. Paula has yet to steer me wrong, and this pie turned out delicious! The crust is a home-made vanilla wafer crust topped with a chocolate ganache layer and filled with light, sweet, peanut buttery deliciousness. James and his parents both liked it, as did I. Now I'm a little more prepared and willing to take on more pie recipes.I just thought I would share with those who also love baking, so you can see what I've been whipping up lately. :)

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

I am now a resident of Nashville, TN. I've been here for just over 2 full weeks now. My first week of class at Vandy Divinity is now over. I've made a couple friends here. School is great. It's going to kick my ass for sure, but I'm excited to learn new stuff. Money continues to be a serious issue of panic-attack proportions. (For example, I need $700 to materialize by Sept. 1.) Besides that, I love Nashville thus far (though I have yet to really go out into the city much). I've made a lovely little home here.

Growing up is hard to do. Leading up to my move here (my first real move from home), I was experiencing the bittersweet feeling of growing up. I feel like I've really grown as a woman in the last 4 years, but 2 weeks ago was when I was pushed out of the nest in hopes that I can fly. There was this tension. On one side, I couldn't wait to gain real independence, to have a place of my own, and to live my life on my terms. The stress and tension of living at home since I was 21 and wanting to stay out past midnight (gasp!) and dated a guy my parents liked but didn't approve of wore me down significantly over the last 2 1/2 years. However, part of me was still clinging onto my childhood. When it comes down to it, I am a daddy's girl and my mom is one of my closest friends. I miss being a little girl. I miss the simplicity of life, the perimeters built to keep you safe, the secure environment full of love at home. Now that I'm 8 hours away, my daddy can't be there to help me if I need him. My mom can't give me a hug and call whoever hurt me a bitch or an asshole while fixing me some dinner or buying ice cream to fix some of the pain. I felt on the edge of ready to grow up and wanting to desperately be a little girl, of wanting independence and wanting the security of my parents. Right before I was pushed out of the nest into the big world, I was terrified I couldn't yet fly. I wasn't ready. I'm still worried I'm going to take a nose-dive soon (thank you hella cost of living Nashville). Life will work out some way I guess. For now I'm going to keep my worrying to a minimum. There's only so much I can do anyway.

For some hope and inspiration, I defer to Dr. Seuss' Oh, the Places You'll Go!:

"You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

I'm sorry to say so
But, sadly it's true
That bang-ups and hang-ups
Can happen to you.

On and on you will hike, And I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up of course, as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.

So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
And remember that Life’s a great balancing act.

Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

Will you succeed?
Yes you will indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)"

Friends, Fun, and Food on the Fourth

I believe it is time for an update once again.

Over the Fourth of July I went up to the Lake of the Ozarks and stayed with a friend there along with 11 other of my closest friends from Drury. I had so much fun just relaxing. We played drunk Jenga, ate some BBQ, listened to Alan play the guitar, swam in the Lake, slept in, watched 3 different sets of fireworks on the dock while it was lightening (and singing Bohemian Rhapsody as a group), listened while people created their own limericks, spooned with Jazmyne, went for a walk on the crazy hilly curvy road, and reconnected with one of my best friends. For it being my only real "vacation" this summer, it was definitely a needed break and an awesome one at that.

Other than that, I've been working at The Grotto. Some weeks are really busy complete with working 8 to 11 hour days and getting up at 6:30 after closing the night before. Other weeks were really slow (nights...when I close) and I don't work very many hours. I'm definitely ready to be done working there though (less than a month now!).

Latesa-isms #1: When I mop or scrub floors, I always get the lyrics "Put your Back into it" in my head until the task is finished.

Some People Find the Beauty in all of this

I want to update. I need to. I have so much to say, yet nothing to say. I want to write about it, but I don't want anyone to know. I'm solving this quandary by just writing and seeing what comes out.

The last month has been simultaneously very busy and not that busy, if that makes sense. I was working quite a few hours each week, relaxing at home when not working, or meeting up with a couple friends when our schedules happen to be in sync (which is getting trickier and trickier to work out).

An update on all the health scares that were going on last time I wrote:
Mom's surgery went very well. We had a long day at the hospital, but she made (and is continuing to make) a great recovery.
My biopsy came back benign. This relief cannot even be described nor can the absolute terror leading up to it.
My grandma's test results were inconclusive I believe. They didn't find anything, but she is still having the headaches. We're still a little worried about her, but for now no news is good news.

This last Saturday night my parents and made a quick trip to Nashville. We found a home for one of our foster dogs (Hendrix, the boy). I already miss him. His sissy, Misty, also misses him very much. The home is a good one though, so I know he will be loved very much. While in Nashville I also found an apartment!! It's in the same complex as my friend Brock's, which is super exciting. My friend Tyler is also just about ten minutes away. It's a great location, and the apartment is beautiful. Nashville is ridiculously expensive though. I had a borderline panic attack when I realized how much it's going to cost and how little money I do have. After calming down and talking it out with my mom and dad, we figured out a way to make it work.

I'm afraid I'm to the point again of not wanting to write much. This last week (or close to it) has been terrible on all fronts, and I'm worried about my ability to cope and bounce back. I've suffered blows and difficulties in friendships, family, relationships from the present and past, work, and family friends. Add to that significant stresses and worries for the future, money, etc.

P!ink's song "One Foot Wrong" is a scary accurate description of my life at this point I'm afraid. C'est la vie.

Am I sweating all these tears on my face
Should I be hungry?
I can't remember the last time that I ate
Call someone, I need a friend to take me down

But one foot wrong and I'm gonna fall
Somebody gets it, somebody gets it
But one foot wrong and I'm gonna fall
Somebody gets it, somebody gets it

All the lights are on but I'm in the dark
Who's gonna find me? Who's gonna find me?
Just one foot wrong
You'll have to love me when I'm gone...

All the lights are on but I'm in the dark
Who's gonna find me? Who's gonna find me?
Just one foot wrong
You'll have to love me when I'm gone

Some people find the beauty in all of this
I go straight to the dark side near this
If it's it bad is it always my fault?
Did somebody bring me down?
Did somebody bring me down?
Did somebody bring me down?

One foot wrong, I'm gonna fall
Put one foot wrong and I'm gonna fall
But one foot wrong and I'm gonna fall
Somebody gets it

It Won't All Go the Way it Should

Life has this tendency to get absolutely crazy for a while. I've also noticed that when it rains, it doesn't always pour. Sometimes there is a monsoon. Or a tornado.

I just feel like there is *too* much going on in my life right now, and I honestly don't feel like I'm strong enough to carry it much longer. Also, I don't feel old enough to deal with some of it either.

On Wednesday my mom goes in for gallbladder surgery. It is a very common surgery in which I know several people who have had it done, yet I can't help but have an irrational fear that something will go terribly wrong. While I know so many who have had a successful surgery, I can't help but think of someone who didn't. In seventh grade my volleyball coach had the surgery during the spring of that year. Complications occurred and she passed away from it. I still vividly remember the funeral because it was the first one I ever cried at. I really do believe everything will be fine, but I can't stop worrying.

The day before we found out the day of my mom's surgery (last week), I had a biopsy taken. I'm opting for the "out of sight, out of mind approach" until I get the results later this week; however I can't help but fleetingly imagine the worse. When I was in 5th grade I had this irrational fear that I had cancer. My "rationale" came from feeling my lymph nodes in my neck and getting freaked out by them. I remember literally staying awake for hours having a silent panic attack over it. Now, it seems my fear of cancer is no longer irrational, and that scares the hell out of me. I've asked a couple of my closest friends for prayer support, and I feel a sense of peace over me now about it. Also, I realize that this situation is completely out of my hands. There is nothing I can do.

Last week my Grandma Faye (dad's mom) went in for an MRI. We should have gotten the results over a week ago, but we are still waiting. On March 30th my grandma all of a sudden got Global Transient Amnesia in which she could not recall anything in her short term memory at all. I am very close to my grandma (and take after her quite a bit). She is the Matriarch of our family and the strongest woman I have ever met in my life. She has never been sick a day in her life. To see her lying on the hospital bed drying her tears and putting on a face to look put together for her older grandchildren (Luke and I) broke me. Imagining a stroke or anything terrible happening to her is not something I am not nor will I ever be prepared to deal with. Since her amnesia spell (which is thankfully all gone now. It lasted just a few hours.), she has had reoccurring neck pain and serious headaches. This pain is what prompted the MRI test. Hopefully everything will come out fine, but the entire family can't help but worry that there could be something serious going on.

Other than that....

The really bad wind storms that came through the Friday before Mother's Day were quite scary in my neck of the woods. Normally I'm a fan of storms; however this storm was the scariest storm I've ever been in. Even my dad who I have never seen even the teensiest bit worried was scared. I woke up to my closed windows rattling and blowing my curtains (inside the room), a green sky, swirling wind, and the tops of two of our hard wood trees nearly touching the grass in the wind. My parents, the dogs, and I huddled in the bathroom for nearly 30 minutes during which we lost electricity. Almost 2 days later, we got power and water back. It turns out Willard got hit by 6 tornadoes in that storm, one of which *hit* my neighborhood. There were trees uprooted in every yard, all laying different directions, fences blown away, shingles everywhere but on roofs on some houses, branches strewn everywhere, including a rather large on one my car, separate garages normally in the backyard in their neighbor's front yard, a barn flattened, a school less than a mile away nearly destroyed, and our siding blew into our fence. Watching winds at 85 mph is intense. I now know what a hurricane is like and I can confidently say that I am not a fan. I'm pretty sure I watched Toto blow by. So yeah......that was interesting for sure.

There's a lot of other stuff going on too like work, getting ready to move and for grad school, our boat breaking down when we need to sell it, money disappearing into thin air, parents realizing just how good of a liar I am, dealing with my parent's disappointment, finally saying goodbye to Drury, saying goodbye (not permanent but who knows?) to all my college friends now that we're all moving on, rebuilding a friendship with my ex and former best friend, trying to distance myself from those who I don't want to build friendships with, working hard to spend as much time as possible with my closes friends (Rachel, Krisitian, and Sarah), trying to figure out how to handle delicate situations/broken friendships and hearts, and..........

Bascially it breaks down to:
Worry worry worry about growing up and moving on.

Bad news never had good timing...
(The Heart of Life by John Mayer)

Oh yeah....and World Peace

(Jerusalem)
I've been reading this book called The Faith Club: A Muslim, A Christian, A Jew--Three Women Search for Understanding. This book really stands out to me. It is about interfaith dialogue between the three Abrahamic faiths, which is what I'm passionate about and what I want to dedicate my career, future, and life towards. As I've read through it, I have definitely learned a lot about interfaith dialogue on a personal level. It has also confirmed within me that this is what I care about, what my heart beats for.

One section I read tonight really stood out to me because the woman is writing words that my heart speaks. I read it aloud to my mom and her response was simply, "That's exactly your heart." The woman writing this section is the Jewish woman and she is reflecting on her changing views on Israel and also about her love for the Holy Land.

"I'd like to imagine [Israel as] a land of milk and honey, a place where Christians, Jews, and Muslims live together in that one little sliver of holy land in peace, where Jerusalem is the holy city for all faiths. Where saplings are planted and ancient olive trees revered. Where children of all religions and backgrounds believe they have a future. Many people would call me a dreamer. But I don't want to live my life any other way. If I weren't an optimist, I would never have entered into [this interfaith dialogue and relationship]. So many other people would have seen the obstacles to real dialogue and stopped talking. But I need to live in a world where I believe good will prevail over evil, where people will eventually, somehow, put down their arms, and say 'Enough.'

I've read enough now to understand how deeply and tragically conflicts evolved between the Jews and the Arabs over time. But I need to have a dream, to believe that place can exist again. Imperfectly and improbably. And I believe that being a dreamer might in fact take more courage than being a cynic.

There is ultimately no way for me to escape talking honestly about Israel. Hadn't I learned, after all, to see the good alongside the bad, the bitter with the sweet? Could I hear people talk about how beautiful the land of Israel is without pointing out how difficult life is in the Palestinian refugee camps? I will speak out when the time is right, I've decided. I no longer have a choice."
(Birzeit, Israel--olive trees)
(Deheisheh Refugee camp--the largest Palestinian refugee camp in Bethlehem)

I cannot adequately describe how beautiful this quote from Priscilla Warner is to me, how well it puts words to my deepest convictions and passions. I almost cried after reading this because this really is my heart speaking out. I really do dream about peace in Jerusalem even though many say it is impossible. Whether or not it is probable is not what matters to me. What matters is doing everything we can to try for understanding, justice, and peace. If one person's life can be made better, then it is worth it. I have to speak up about Israel in full honesty, honesty that understands this issue politically, religiously, and culturally, honesty that seeks unification not further division, honesty that is willing to work hard for a peace that some would call just a dream.

You may say I'm a dreamer,
But I'm not the only one.

Deceptions of Reflections

I decided to post a poem on here that I wrote almost 3 years ago now. This is actually an incredibly personal poem that I wrote when I was really struggling.

The Deceptions of Reflections
The armor is on
Swords are drawn
Yet another battle is about to begin
I lead the army onward
The battleground draws near and my sword
Is ready to kill
Again
The enemy grows weaker
Our last battle really hurt her
Her defense is nearly gone
We will conquer!
Alright Army, CHARGE!
The process is almost complete
Her mind is ready to yield to us
Tell her she's fat
Make her feel ugly
Convince her she's worthless
Force her to put her fork down
Again
and Again
Just like last time
Ignore her tears
Don't heed her pleas
Never let up!
We must continue to bombard her thoughts
Day
and Night
Constantly
Wait!
What is she doing?
Oh no! She's stronger than we thought
Tell her to put the mirror down
Do it before she breaks...
CRASH!!
...it.
Is that a smile on her face?
(7/20/06)

If you've ever had low self-esteem that turned into an eating disorder (or dangerously close to one), then you can probably relate to this poem. If you haven't, then I hope this will show you what the mindset of someone struggling with anorexia can be like. Anorexia (or any eating disorder) occurs in the mind not body, and I did my best to capture how real the battle which takes place in the mind really is. Also once it has poisoned your mind, it never fully goes away. When I wrote this I was struggling with it (though never too serious or extreme), and since then I have found myself struggling again with it, although to a lesser degree. Now I find myself struggling the most when I am depressed. (I'm good now. No worries.) Anyway, this is probably my favorite poem that I have written. It is personal, and the ending means the most to me. At the time I wrote the ending not out of truth but out of hope. It was a plea that I would find the same strength and finally overcome.

Hendrix and Misty

About 3 weeks ago, my family picked up these 2 rescue English Cocker Spaniels to foster until the ECSA (English Cocker Spaniel Association) Rescue can find good homes for them. Their breeder had over 30 dogs, so the ECSA came in and took them all. These dogs had no human interaction, so we are working on socializing them.

(Hendrix is on the left and Misty is on the right.)

When we first got them, Hendrix had crazy/terrified eyes and wouldn't let any of us get anywhere near him. Misty was scared too and looked mostly to Hendrix for what to do. After spending a lot of time with these dogs, they now come in the house and love laying on the couch. They don't have crazy eyes. They love being petted; their whole bodies wiggle around when we get near them. They love giving kissies. They didn't even eat or drink anything the first 2 1/2 days, and now they will take food out of our hands. Basically, they have made so much improvement in the last 3 weeks that it is unbelievable. I'm so proud of them!! They still have a way to go but the fact that we've already gained some of their trust is incredible.

It's going to be really hard when we have to give them away because these 2 have wiggled their way into both mine and my mom's hearts.

Psalm 13

During church Sunday morning I started scanning through the Psalms as my mind drifted from the pastor's sermon. I landed on one, Psalm 13, and it really spoke to me. The voice in it could very well be my own at this point. Also, the psalm ends on a confident yet hopeful note that I one day hope to find again in God. I guess I just found a sort of solace in this chapter and thought I would share.

Psalm 13

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all day long?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O Lord my God!
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death and my enemy will say, "I have prevailed"; my foes will rejoice because I am shaken.

But I trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.

I Need a New Town

(Jazmyne and I on the drive down)

Last week I made a semi-whirlwind trip down to Nashville, TN with the chief purpose of visiting Vanderbilt Divinity school. I rode down there with one of my good friends, Jazmyne, and met up with a couple of my other good friends in the city (Tyler and Brock). On Thursday I visited Vanderbilt Divinity, which basically meant that I sat in on a class (Constructive Theology II) next to a friend/middle school ex of Kassie's and Lindsey's. I love how small the world really is. The class was interesting and quite thought provoking, but it was pretty dense. I was glad I didn't have to take notes and that it's not required for MTS students. After the class, I "toured" the divinity library. Toured is put in quotations because that's being generous to call it a tour. The library is, for the most part, in the basement of the giant Vanderbilt Library. They have a pretty impressive collection of Judaica though, which I'm excited about. Vandy also has a program on Jewish studies that will give me a certificate in it. I'm definitely pumped about that! I sat around and chatted with some students while I waited for Brock to get out of class so we could get lunch together. Everyone there was so nice. It just felt so right when I was there. Plus it helps that I have a good friend going to school there too. So....I am FOR SURE going to Vanderbilt Divinity in the fall. I send in my letter of acceptance and deposit next week, and I will MOVE down to NASHVILLE the second weekend (most likely) of August. Crazy, but awesome!

Another exciting update is that I *finally* got a job. I start on Tuesday at The Grotto. It's on Kimbrough and Battlefield in the Battlefield Marketplace. They serve up delicious food. I've been looking for a job for more or less eight or so months, so this is definitely a relief. Plus, I could really use the money. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time (but more nervous....).


I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind
(Boston by Augustana)

Road Trip

( Saguaro National Park)

In a little bit I will help my parents load up the truck with our three dogs, hop in, put on some tunes, open a Vault energy drink, and keep my dad awake until 5 am. We are leaving for a road trip to Tuscon, Arizona. We will drive 20 hours one way, stay there on Saturday, and head back home on Sunday. We're picking up a 1994 Toyota Land Cruiser my dad bought. I'm excited for the road trip and to get the hell out of Willard/Springfield for a little bit. I think the change of scenery may be just what the doctor ordered. Plus Saguaro National Park is right there too. I'm excited to go there.

I've been listening to Alana Grace all day today and her song The Tunnel is just one of many I identify with:

Oh, I wanna know, I wanna go/
where the air will clear my soul/
to see the light/
I will find a way through the tunnel.
(Alana Grace, The Tunnel)

On the drive there I will be reading up on Judaism. Istudied it somewhat extensively while in undergrad (that and Islam), and I have the opportunity to help teach it at my church next week. I'll miss this Sunday, so I gave the college pastors some material that they can use to teach from. Next week I get to cover modern Judaism in all it's complexities: the different types, spirituality, modern practices, anti-Semitism, and the Arab-Israeli conflict....all in one hour. Not sure how that's going to happen, but I'm excited for the opportunity to use my degree for something. I will also be teaching Sunday school for each of the major world religions. The objective of this study is to explore the religions in order to learn how to best communicate and ultimately evangelize to people of different faiths. I don't agree with the evangelism aspect at all, but I'm excited to teach my peers about these religions since they wouldn't study them otherwise. Hopefully I can do a good job. My father, who is an awesome teacher, has offered me advice to help curb what he thinks is my opinionatedness and elitism.... Heh. I know I struggle/thrive with those two things. *shrug* It will be a good opportunity, nonetheless, and I really hope to teach everyone as much as I can about Judaism (which just rocks!).

Stir-crazy

The last couple weeks my life has been the epitome of boring, or at least most people would believe that it is. I really don't struggle with not having anything to do. I'm okay with the biggest decisions I have to make during the day are whether I want to read, get in the hot tub, watch a movie, or take a nap in the afternoon. These have been my major dilemmas for over a month now. The last two weeks I have left the house a total of three times. One of those times was a week ago for a friends birthday. Other than that, the only human interaction, excluding internet chatting, was my parents. I'm starting to get a little stir crazy, needless to say. I need to see some of my friends because I'm lonely. I want to get out of Willard, dear God, I want out. I want out of Springfield. Out of southwest Missouri. Maybe in a weekend or so I'll just drive somewhere. I'm seriously considering it. Anyway, that's been my life as of late. Today I decided to be productive and clean up my room and give myself a little pedicure. For me, cleaning up the outside helps me feel like I'm cleaning up on the inside as well. I'm trying to remember how to be optimistic and such. We'll see how long I last. I also think that I'm going to start trying to get in the groove of writing again. Tonight I'm going to finish up an old journal and try to write a little. We'll see how it goes.

For the last week I've been sleeping in really late, which is unusual for me. Part of the reason I'm doing this, I believe, is because I cannot fall asleep at night. Every night I lay in bed tossing and turning for hours. Usually around 3 am I get tired of it, get up, and take some Tylenol pm. I found this xkcd comic (click to see) tonight that perfectly describes what I go through every night.

Forgiveness Revisited

A couple weeks ago I read Khaled Hosseini's The Kite Runner. I'm sure most have read this book by now. The story is beautiful, albeit tragic and depressing at times. The story is ultimately about hope, forgiveness, and redemption. Towards the very end of the story, the narrator comes a conclusion about forgiveness that really stood out to me since I read this line only days after writing my blog about forgiveness.

The narrator concludes:

"I wondered if that's how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night."

This simple definition of forgiveness really resonated with me. When I read that line it made perfect sense to me because that is how I identify forgiveness in my own life. After reflection, I realized that I know I've forgiven someone when the pain silently fades away. I believe that forgiveness cannot just be granted immediately like "the fanfare of epiphany;" a prayer to God will not miraculously usher in a wave of forgiveness (psh. not at all.) I like that there is no hint that the hurt is ever forgotten. The pain subsides, fades to the background, and is replaced with feelings of indifference or replaced with positive feelings towards other people.

After my previous reflections on forgiveness, I believe that I side with Hosseini's narrator Amir's definition of this sometimes elusive word/action/emotion known as forgiveness. It takes time for healing and thus forgiveness, but eventually the pain will slip "away unnannounced in the middle of the night."

World Religions: A digital photography portfolio

I decided to put up the pictures I created for my final portfolio in digital photography from this last fall. We had complete free creative reign for the project. I chose to reflect on my passion and career path, religion. We were required to have 12 pictures, so I chose to represent the world's 6 major religious traditions with 2 photographs each. My canvas of sorts that I photographed was nature. Nature is sacred to me, but I'm not alone; each of the major religions believe that nature is a beautiful creation by the divine, that it's intricately and intimately connected with us humans, and a combination of the two. On each of the pictures I listed a verse from that particular faiths sacred texts or traditions. Unfortunately, they are difficult to read on here, but I wrote the text below the pictures so that you can read them. I also included a distinctive element of each of these faiths that makes them unique and beautiful, including symbols and forms of worship.

I put these in a chronological order of sorts that the religions developed, but divided them into Western religions first followed by Eastern religions.

Enjoy!

Judaism:

"The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork." Psalms 19:1

In the hill, the pine trees (the green ones) spell out Yahweh in Hebrew.

"Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving and perform your vows to the Most High, and call upon me in the day of trouble. I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me." Psalms 50:14-15

The Jewish man (Well, he's actually a Messianic Jew, but shhhh!) pictured is demonstrating the way the priests would raise their arms up at the brazen altar at the tabernacle when the sacrifice was accepted by God as a form of worship. (That was at the "Holy Land" in Eureka Springs, AR.)

Christianity:

"And he said unto them, 'Follow me and I will make you fishers of men.' Immediately they left their nets and followed him." Matthew 4:19-20

The Chi-Rho symbol is on the "No fishing" sign. If you are unaware, the ChiRho was an early Christian symbol that was discrete because it had the appearance of an anchor, which also represented hope. It combined the first two letters of the name "Christ" in Greek.

"Let your light shine before others so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." Matthew 5:16

The man I merged into the photograph is a Christian monk.

Islam:

"I was a hidden treasure and I wanted to be known: That is why I created the world." Hadith

In the water is the text Allah in Arabic, which represents how creation reflects the divine, who is in this case, Allah.

"For with God are the keys of the unseen; no one knows them but God...and not a single leaf falls but God knows it." Qu'ran Surah 6

The man pictured is a Muslim with his prayer rug performing the pillar of daily prayer.

Hinduism:

"Wherever you find strength, or beauty, or spiritual power, you may be sure that these have sprung from a spark of my essence." Sri Krishna, The Bhagavad Gita

On the tree trunk to the left of the image is the ohm symbol, which represents Hinduism.


"Nothing in this world purifies like spiritual wisdom. It is the perfection achieved in time through the path of yoga, the path which leads to the Self within." Sri Krishna, The Baghavad Gita

In the center of the picture is a woman practicing yoga.

Taoism:

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you." Tao Te Ching

For this photo, I opted to express ultimate simplicity in nature which characterizes Taoism.


"Humanity emulates earth, earth emulates heaven, heaven emulates the Way, the Way emulates Nature." Tao Te Ching

In this photo I inclued the yin-yang symbol that represents Taoism. The yin-yang is used because it signifies total balance in all things.

Buddhism:

"The thought is calm, the speech and action are calm, in one who is liberated and gone to serenity by perfect knowledge." The Buddha, from the Dhammapada

Walking down the path is a Buddhist monk in his telling orange robe.

"The spirit of the best of men is spotless, like the lotus in the muddy water, which does not adhere to it." Lalitavistara Sutra

Throughout the water are lotus flowers floating on the water. The lotus flower is a powerful symbol of Buddhist teaching because it represents growing up out of muddy water into something beautiful and set apart.



I really enjoyed working on this project because I was able to work with two things I love: photography and religion.

Let me know what you think! :)



*All of the base photographs were taken by me on a digital camera. The images merged onto the photos included appropriated images, text, and my own photographs.

Finding Forgiveness

For a while now I've been contemplating the notion of forgiveness in addition to love. I am not anywhere near ready to tackle love. I find both hard to understand, define, and even believe in to a certain extent. Last night I had an extremely difficult conversation with someone who hurt me deeply, and I was once again reminded of forgiveness. I said/say I forgive this person, but after it left my mouth I wondered what I even meant by that. Like everyone, I've been hurt in life. What is it that allows us to finally move on, to stop grieving, to rebuild a relationship with the people who hurt us deeply, and to find forgiveness? Does forgiveness occur in time, or at least made easier with time? Is it a choice we make?

Ghandi seems to advocate that forgiveness is a personal choice. I found a quote from him that says, "Forgiveness is choosing to love." In my book Invitation to Christian Spirituality there is an excerpt from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. where he discusses the concept of the Biblical command to "love your enemies" (Mat 5:43-45). One of the most important steps for loving your enemies [and those who have hurt you, friends or enemies] is forgiveness. If we wish to follow this command, then forgiveness has to be an integral part of our relationships. (All the world's major religious traditions, including Christianity, teach about forgiveness in some form or fashion.) Dr. King talked about forgiveness as the first step to loving our enemies.

He wrote, "We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. It is impossible even to begin the act of loving one's enemies without the prior acceptance of the necessity, over and over again, of forgiving those who inflict evil and injury upon us...Forgiveness does not mean ignoring what has been done or putting a false label on an evil act. It means, rather, that the evil act no longer remains as a barrier to the relationship. Forgiveness is a catalyst creating the atmosphere necessary for a fresh start and a new beginning. It is the lifting of a burden or the canceling of a debt. The words, 'I will forgive you but I'll never forget what you've done,' never explain the real nature of forgiveness. Certainly one can never forget, if that means erasing it totally from his mind. But when we forgive, we forget in the sense that the evil deed is no longer a mental block impeding a new relationship. Likewise, we can never say, 'I will forgive you, but I won't have anything further to do with you.' Forgiveness means reconciliation, a coming together again. Without this, no one can love his enemies. The degree to which we are able to forgive determines the degree to which we are able to love our enemies."

I know that's a long quote and that it is set in the context of non-violent reconciliation during the Civil Rights Movement, but I think that what Dr. King says concerning forgiveness applies to today and in personal relationships. I used to feel like I was too forgiving, and I hated it. My willingness to forgive was interpreted by some as weakness, ignorance, and push-over like. I'm glad Dr. King included that forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting the hurt that happened, and the word "forgiveness" alone does not do justice to the act of choosing to love someone who betrayed us, abused us, or hurt us in any other way. Forgiveness seems to go against human nature in my opinion. The idea of reconciliation with our enemy, or rebuilding a relationship with someone who broke your heart, seems ridiculous, like it would be setting yourself up for another fall. And sometimes, we are. But it's hard to know until you try. (What happens to "fool me twice, shame on me" then? lol) I also don't think that forgiveness necessarily means "coming together again" because sometimes the pain is too deep for a fresh start in the sense that rebuilding some form of a relationship is just not possible. Forgiveness is then, I think, letting go of resentment and constant hurt; it is a choice to move on and have a fresh start on your own. Last night I also realized that for me who has been typically too forgiving in the past, there are a couple people that I never will be able to forgive.

I'm still trying to figure out why I can't forgive some, yet I was able to forgive others. And what was it that made me so intent on choosing to forgive some? I'm really not sure, but I do think that letting go of bitterness, hurt, and resentment is the only way to find some sort of peace and joy personally in life.

Dance... by Rumi

I bought a book of poems by Rumi last spring, and really loved them. I have done more scanning of the book than anything. My parents and I went camping for Labor Day weekend this fall, and I found a poem in the book that weekend that quickly became my favorite Rumi poem (and possibly all-time favorite poem). It became my mantra for the semester, and I feel like I have lived out each stanza, or at least tried my hardest to do so. Anyway, here is the poem that saved me and my sanity this semester:

Dance, when you're broken open.
Dance, if you've torn the bandage off.
Dance in the middle of the fighting.
Dance in your blood.
Dance, when you're perfectly free.

-Rumi